I have had one of those wading through treacle days again – and after the weekend I had that does not necessarily feel very good. I have something major on Wednesday which i am terrified about because I feel as if I simply don’t know enough. I’ve written this before, but I have to literally keep reminding myself that I’m researching eating disorders not turning myself into a decorated expert in hermeneutics. I find it hard to express my frustration and lack of progress due to fear-based avoidance but it would look like a small version of the Scream picture. I annoy myself so much over this stuff. All my Covey stuff (7 habits of highly successful people) goes out of the window to be replaced by pointless activity and brain-mulch. I just want November to be over, this is just a rubbish month.
The stalling and anxiety driven avoidance that was attached to my writing has now firmly transplanted itself to my interpretive work – I am trying to genuinely figure out whether this is due to needing to get Wednesday’s event out of the way (I’ll explain more later) or whether I am just hiding behind this as excuse.
– Get over Weds and act on any outcomes of this.
– Complete my methodological reading, note-take and draw a line under it.
– Complete the first layer of analysis fully and work on write-ups to share.
– Complete the second layer of analysis fully and work on write-ups to share.
– Begin my new research journal (my old one is about expended).
(- get my motivated head on to have a more useful weekend coming up than the one I’ve just had!)
I mean, what if my arguments, rebuttals, responses, knowledge and understanding don’t stand up – where does that leave me? They will know so much more than me.
Tonight is a bit of specialist reading for my inquistors.
Tomorrow is prepping the paper.
Wednesday night off…
Sorry for the vagueness but I needed the vent.