So, as Fairburn (see yesterday’s post) rightly predicted, my heart sank when it turned out that the first step in his 6 step programme was to begin monitoring my food intake. I can’t tell you how my food diaries I’ve kept (and been told to keep) over the years, so I wasn’t finding this a particularly motivating start. I also had to weigh myself and make a note. I’ve decided to do it in pounds – watching stones take ages to change is just too depressing. For those of you who use metric I’m around 117kg. This gives you an idea of how much extra weight I’ve been lumbering about with over the last 6 years, at 259lbs. I’m only 164cm (5’4″) tall.
I’ve started afresh today as upon reading the six steps last night it became apparent that there is an insistence that food is recorded immediately after consumption. Not retrospectively at the end of the day – which is what would’ve happened yesterday when I got home from work at around 8pm.
I have to make a not of how I was feeling when the food was being consumed. So, let me briefly focus on my feelings here. It is important to acknowledge that, rather than feeling buoyant about beginning to be pro-active about recovery, I feel worried. Fairburn makes it clear that I should not move on from step one until I am down to six days per week binge free. I’ve no notion that I’ll ever get there as currently I’m managing NO days binge free at the moment.
I have already experienced one of those flashes of insight, and already shared it with someone to make it real and verbalise it. I’m going to write more about that tomorrow, however.
In the meantime, evenings are THE worst times for me and I’m dreading having to honestly record everything I put away tonight once I get home from work at about 8pm.